i looked into his eyes, and there it was. loneliness, longing, sadness, all wrapped up and personified in the light-less gaze of his eyes, the sagging of his face, the sigh of his posture. i know i've felt these feelings before, but it was as though all my senses were engulfed in its spider web. you know, the kind that's fresh and sticky, that feels like it's still glued to you even after you've frantically brushed yourself off countless times.
the excuses given to him are many, but as they are rattled off, nothing changes. they are the soundtrack behind a distantly shot film scene or the slow moving roll of the credits. present, yet distant, these excuses seem to bear no weight, providing no comfort to the loneliness. with a click you could turn the sound on or off, and the scene would continue on just the same.
how have i not realized how hard it's been for him after her death? i tell myself they weren't close, there was bickering and distance. but how do you spend a lifetime with someone and not become a part of them, and them a part of you? the bonds of marriage, of the relationships made possible by a relational God, are more powerful than i know. God, i wish grandpa knew You. i know only you can mend the glazed eyes, the hollow look, the longing for someone who infinitely cares and loves and gives, fills and satisfies. it's not too late. I pray God, that he knows you yet.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..."