***i wrote this in my journal last week and am just now getting around to sharing...hopefully this marks the start of me actually writing again! i have missed it =)
last week i realized that i loved people. this week i learned how to let them go.
i've known for quite some time that i love people, but something happened last week, something that i can't quite explain. somewhere in the depths of my soul, where God surely resides, i felt for the first time this overwhelming sensation. at first i didn't get it. then it wouldn't go away. and then it clicked. i loved people. i love my family and friends in a way that extended beyond myself and my petty little human ways of attempting to show it and live it out.
as soon as i realized this--WAM. curveball. it could not be denied by me that this love all came from God.
maybe this isn't shocking to you, but it was to me. i've known this fact in my head, for sure. but knowing this in my heart and actions was something radical. if all this love truly comes from God, i thought, then my ability to love is naught without him. it's all from God. and so are the people that i love.
which can only mean that they are his to love, not mine. they are here for his purpose, not mine. and despite all my best efforts, i cannot love them as well as he can. quite simply, i need to let them go. pray for them? absolutely. build relationships with them? it's one of my favorite things to do! provide encouragement, support, and my worldly things? yes, yes, and yes. but yet always remembering, i am not God. and it's only because of his love for me that i have the honor to participate in his giving of love to others.
at the end of the day, i am his, and so are the ones that i love. and God knows how to love us best. my job is simply to walk faithfully in that love.