Sunday, November 29, 2009

bag o chips

i have come to the realization that the fact that i have a blog is absurd...and hilarious.

this month is now officially going down in history as "the month of God's will." i tried to think of something catchier, but alas, ya can't win 'em all. the reason for the title is that i've been especially seeking and searching for the past few months what it means for me to follow God's will. perhaps this has been because i find myself at a crossroads of life, yearning for a purpose, a direction, a hint of what is to come.

i used to not open myself to people at all, even my closest friends. shocking, i know. i was discussing this with an awesome friend of mine, who happened to not know me during my closed-off stage, and i realized how crazy it was that this change has only occurred in me over the past 2-ish years. wow. how cray cray and awesome is God?!?

this realization about myself has turned my whole mind around on what it means to know and follow in God's will. what this stage of my life has really been about is not me trying to know and be in every single detail of God's will for my life, but me finally being willing to fully open myself up to God. not gonna lie, it's TERRIFYING. but hey, i'm sure it's nothing compared to the terror and fear that Abraham must have felt when he was about to sacrifice his son. or the confusion and despair that Joseph surely felt about God's promises to him while he was in prison.

speaking of Joseph, check this passage out:
But while Joseph was there in the prison, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. so the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. the warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph's care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.
~Genesis 39:20-23

Joseph chucked his will out the window and hopped on to God's, walking with Him through wherever and whatever God wanted to take him through, be it prison, trusting His crazy plan to fulfill His promises, or in my case, driving sassy middle school girls in a giant purple van. God didn't care what Joseph or anyone else thought; His plan was good and awesome and right. it almost feels like stickin it to "the man." the (not so)inner hippie in me is STOKED.

i have no idea what i'm doing. and i think that's the point. God's will for my life is to learn not to depend on myself but on Him, to walk with Him and not pretend like i'm all that and a bag o chips and i got this thing called life under wraps. cause let's be real. i'm a hot mess. and it's only when i acknowledge that that i truly make myself vulnerable to God's will and the awesomeness i can't even begin to fathom that He has in store for me.

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